I remember how, after lockdown was lifted, my neighbour’s dog would howl nonstop.
I felt for the pup. He went from having his owner at his beck and call to suddenly being left alone in the yard again when his owner returned to work, even if it was only for a couple of hours a day.
Having said that, it also drove those of us who were still working from home up the wall.
Then there was my childhood cat, who would pee in our beds when we left for school in the morning.
Looking back now, I realise these weren’t necessarily ‘bad’ pets. They missed their owners and were struggling with being left behind.
Separation anxiety occurs when pets become distressed after being separated from their owners. That distress might show itself through howling, barking, whining, destroying things, going to the toilet indoors or even attempting to escape.
It’s rather flattering to think your pet loves you that much, but living with the consequences is frustrating for everyone involved.
So how do you tell the difference between a bored pet getting into trouble and one experiencing genuine distress?
What separation anxiety really looks like
It’s not simply missing you. It’s panic.
With dogs, the timing of the behaviour is one of the biggest clues.
Look out for:
- Distress beginning within minutes of you leaving rather than hours later when boredom sets in
- Pacing, whining, barking or howling as soon as you close the door
- Destructive chewing around exit points, including door frames, window sills and gates
- Toilet accidents despite being house trained
- Drooling or shaking
- Refusing treats while you’re away
- Remaining stressed for 10 to 15 minutes after you return
Cats tend to be a little more subtle.
Signs include:
- Over-grooming, particularly around the belly and back legs
- Going to the toilet outside the litter box, particularly on your bed or clothes
- Becoming extremely clingy and following you from room to room before frantically meowing at the door when you leave
- Refusing to eat while you’re away and then eating too quickly when you return
- Vomiting or diarrhoea associated with stress
If the behaviour only occurs when you’re away and not while you’re home, anxiety rather than training might be behind it.
Why do some pets struggle with being left alone?
There is no definitive reason some pets struggle more than others.
Separation anxiety appears more frequently in pets from shelters than family pets, which might suggest losing people they were attached to plays a role.
Changes can also trigger the behaviour.
These might include a change in family or guardianship, a new daily schedule, moving house or changes within the household.
Prevention is better than trying to deal with an established problem, so if you think your pet might be at risk, there are several things you can try.
1. Make leaving boring
Fight the instinct to turn every departure into a big goodbye where you tell them how much you love them.
You might think you’re reassuring them, but you’re also signalling that something significant is about to happen.
Instead, keep things dull.
Don’t make a fuss with petting and baby talk immediately before leaving. Potter around, collect your things and offer a short ‘later’ as you head out.
When you return, wait until your pet is calm before greeting them.
The aim is to make leaving and returning feel like completely normal parts of the day.
2. Spend regular periods apart
Being separated shouldn’t happen only when you leave for work.
Introduce shorter, less predictable periods apart.
Start small. Go for a short drive on a Saturday morning or have your pet spend 10 minutes in a separate room.
Gradually increase the amount of time.
A pet camera is also useful for monitoring what your pet does after you leave and seeing whether they settle down or become increasingly distressed.
3. Make alone time fun
A bored brain can quickly spiral, so give your pet something to focus on while you’re away.
For dogs, this might include a puzzle feeder, a Kong stuffed with dog-safe peanut butter, a snuffle mat with hidden treats or treats scattered around the lawn for them to find.
Cats might enjoy puzzle feeders or a window perch where they can watch birds outside.
The trick is to reserve these particular activities or treats for when you’re leaving.
That way, your departure also means something enjoyable is about to happen.
4. Give them a safe space
Create a room or corner where your pet feels comfortable.
Add their bed, one of your old T-shirts, a favourite chew toy and some treats.
The idea is to create a familiar space associated with comfort and security rather than somewhere they’re sent only when you’re about to disappear.
5. Tire them out before you leave
A little activity before you head out also helps.
Try a 20-minute sniff walk with your dog or a 10-minute play session with your dog or cat before leaving.
Giving them an opportunity to use some energy before spending time alone might make settling down afterwards easier.
6. Know when to ask for help
Sometimes separation anxiety needs more than changes to your daily routine.
If your pet is hurting themselves, hasn’t eaten for more than 24 hours, howls for hours or you’ve consistently worked on the problem for three weeks without improvement, it is time to seek professional help.
The goal isn’t to teach your pet a lesson for destroying something or making a mess.
It is to understand what happens when the front door closes behind you and help them learn that being alone doesn’t mean you aren’t coming back.
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